Let’s Talk About Toxic Resilience
When your “strength” is secretly depleting you.
You were taught from a young age that tolerating a high level of discomfort is what inner strength is all about. You mistakenly called it resilience. But what often gets labeled as resilience is the very thing that depletes you in the long run.
The scientific definition of resilience is your innate biological ability to adapt, recover and grow in the face of life’s challenges. True resilience is a healthy, biological phenomenon. But it’s often confused with toxic resilience– a warped view of this definition.
Toxic resilience is about powering through the hard stuff despite your exhaustion and pushing past your limits no matter the toll. Toxic resilience encourages you to adopt the “just keep going” Energizer bunny mentality like a badge of honor. Ironically, this very mindset is actually keeping you stuck in stress rather than healing from it. This isn’t a personal failing, it’s a societal one. The foundation of our modern world is built on toxic resilience. But here's the truth: rest and recovery aren’t nice to have luxuries, they’re a biological necessity for your stressed brain and body.
Early in my medical career, I was the poster child of toxic resilience. My first week of medical school, a professor told me, “Pressure makes diamonds.” When I’d hit a wall of exhaustion, I’d tell myself, “You’re a diamond in the making. Just keep going.” …Then my diamond cracked. Understanding the difference between true resilience and toxic resilience was my ultimate wake up call.
Here’s How You Can Spot the Difference:
True Resilience: Honors your human need for rest and recovery. It understands your real and valid human limitations. It celebrates your boundaries and ability to say “no” by using the lens of self-compassion.
Toxic Resilience: This is a mind-over-matter mindset. It’s productivity at all costs. A toxic manifestation of hustle culture.
At first, it might feel difficult to break out of this pressure makes diamonds mindset, but learning to differentiate between true resilience and toxic resilience is the key to rewiring your brain and body for less stress and overcoming your burnout. No matter your age or life stage, it’s never too late to protect your need for rest and recovery, honor your boundaries and lean into your sense of self-compassion—even if it’s just for five minutes a day. Your stressed brain and body will thank you.
Save this newsletter as a reminder to give yourself permission to let go of the performance of toxic resilience and practice true resilience instead.
Until next week,
Want more from Mental Health-ish? Check out last week’s post, here.
You just summed up my golden handcuffs, workaholic, avoid personal stress by pouring myself into work life. 🥺
My top two strength finder traits are achiever and strategy. I am a chronic overachieving perfectionist, and being good at my job is more of a curse to me and a blessing to those I help. I have work to do and have not found the pivot point, although I cognitively know what I need to do.
Thank you for your wisdom!
loved listening to it this week!